My favourite thing about England

Despite being solidly Team New Zealand, I'll tell you one thing I really love about England...

Kia ora, adventure lovers!

He’s coming home, he’s coming home. Actually, he’s already there. If England is indeed where the home is at. Apart from the familiar creak of the same floorboards in Mum and Dad’s house, the epic everchanging view of London from the back bedrooms and walking the streets to the aromas of the local flora, blended like a fine gin with fox wee, southeast London doesn’t really feel like home any more. Even valuable time with my parents isn’t something I strictly associate with London, England any more. They’ve been to New Zealand so much in my 16 years there, they almost know it as well as I do.

However, Zoe and I are in England. Since landing here from China, we’ve seen the government of 14 years kicked out, the national men’s football team reach a second European final in three years and a dear old friend get hitched to her partner of ten years. It’s not all playful lions and sweet smelling roses, though.

Litter bins are overflowing with litter, leaving litter littering up places litter shouldn’t litter. That litany of litters is not a metaphor, just an observation. A stark reminder of how good we’ve had it in Aotearoa - motorway berms not included.

Public transport pricing is a shambles. To travel within London, it’s usually one price, depending whether you pass through the premium and desirable central zone 1 or not. It’s relatively understandable. However, to find the price of travel from London to somewhere out in the wops, you must perform a magic calculation, like so: roll a dice, +1 to your score, multiple it by the power of 10 of the train operator’s CEO’s salary (if you don’t know this, guessing works just fine), then divide it by the magic train ticket number. An alternative way is to just close your eyes and think of some numbers. Maybe you’ll be right.

And there’s the supposed summer the place has been having. I’m sorry, but sub-20 in July? You should be looking to rebrand the month. (Apologies, they told me they’d take my passport if I didn’t moan about the weather at least once!)