Obligatory end-of-year note
Goodbye 2023. Pretty good on a personal level, pretty disastrous on a global level.
Kia ora and hello, people who follow me on here. I do hope you had a wonderful Christmas (if that’s your thing), are having a top festive period and continue this good fortune to go on and have a happy and healthy New Year in 2024.
Return to Waitākere!
We’re not long back from a three-day traverse of the Waitākere Ranges, west Auckland. Despite the kauri dieback track closures of recent years, I’m pleased to report much of Te Ara o Hillary (the Hillary Trail) remains passable. This regional park is my OG stomping ground, where I first found a love of tramping, while walking every track with my pals Simon and Scoot.
Expect a full report to materialise in the near-future. Right now, you can see the route we followed on my Strava, here, here and here!
Remembering 2023
As appears customary on Substack, here’s a little throwback to the year that was and one of my (okay, the) most-read articles. It’s the story of that time I ‘sailed’ with Paul Henry on his boat, all the way to Fiji and things didn’t exactly go as planned. You can read it here:
What happens at sea, stays at sea
If the New Zealand television host Paul Henry ever calls you and says “do you want to take my boat to Fiji?”, tell him to "get fked!" No, not really, don’t do that. It’s just that in one of our many conversations throughout this trip, Paul joked that I should write…
As a special bonus, here’s a short piece I penned about the early stage of that adventure. It’s called Pizza Night:
Three men cast their boat loose and plotted a course for Fiji.
Motoring to paradise was bound to be a blast.
With Auckland's shores still in sight, Paul Henry poured the crew a wine; a toast to an incredible journey ahead.
The buzz aboard was audible, the joy could be seen, but as night came to pass, the vomiting started.
Pizza night had to be postponed.
A month at the Cherry Coke™ coalface
I don’t just adventure, write about it, then adventure some more. From time to time, I have to earn some coin. My most recent paid gig involved rapidly stripping cherries from trees1, using only my eyes and hands. The faster I went, the more I got paid. I wrote about it, in part, here.
It was a fabulous month, working with some genuinely nice people and learning a lot about where cherries come from. It was just a pity it was in Blenheim, where… actually, I’ll save that for another time. The surrounding area is a lovely place!
Here’s my silly little ode to the cherries job:
Last day working at the Cherry Coke™ coalface!
Growing up, Cherry Coke™ was available in every newsagent and corner shop. It was the nectar de southeast London and we drank it by the 33p can load. Normal Coke was for loser traditionalists, while its Cherry-infused cousin was so post-nonconformalist that the term didn't even exist back then and still doesn't to this day.
With all the goodness of real cherries, together with the energy boost you know and love from regular Coca-Cola™, it's easy to see why Coca-Cola Cherry™ is the 17th* most popular Coca-Cola™ product worldwide. If they sold it in glass, it would be number one!
Imagine my glee, then, when earlier this month I was selected, following a rigorous selection process, to help harvest cherries in a cherry orchard, in Blenheim. A job at the Cherry Coke™ coalface to call my own!
Sure, many of the fruits I picked *may not* have been turned into Cherry Coke™ at all. But some maybe have and that's the point. Actually, when I think about it, none of the fruits I've eaten this past month tasted anything like Cherry Coke™! Could the whole thing be a big health ruse? Add some fruit to disguise the sugar. Like pavlova?
Anyway, it's been an honour to be part of this small team, doing our bit for humanity and possibly** one of the globe's great multinationals that none of us could live without this Christmas.
Cherrs!
*roughly, approx, guessing, made up
**probably not
The Adventure Formerly Known As The Waka & Waewae Journey
The 31st December marks exactly one year since I reached Cape Palliser on my packraft traverse of the North Island. Prior to updated government guidance on the use of te reo Māori, I called this expedition ‘The Waka & Waewae Journey’, but I don’t know what it’ll be named when it restarts for its South Island edition. But it will be restarting. One day.
It’s difficult to go into why this has adventure stalled and paused for so long, but I hope to have a clearer idea by the time I sit down to write the book. I could force myself to go do it tomorrow, but it would be sans-zest. And we all know that zest is a key ingredient in all good lemon cakes pretty much anything.
I’ll get there, but, in the meantime: answers on a postcard, please!
Thanks for all the support this year. Happy New Year one and all!
Dx
I know. I was just as amazed as you were to learn they come from trees!
awesome！